Why I’m breaking up with my FitBit (for now, anyway)
Sometimes I grasp at it in the night, trying to turn off some silent, vibrating alarm that isn’t there.
In the moment I realize I’ve been on my feet a lot during the day, I instinctively reach for my phone or wrist to see how far I’ve gone.
But lately, I don’t know.
And I must say… it’s really freeing.
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know I’m obsessed with fitness tech and love testing fitness trackers (see here, here, here and here). But something was happening thanks to this obsession; something not good. And I didn’t even realize it until a book I’m currently reviewing connected the dots for me.
Although I’ve never struggled with your typical disordered eating behaviours, I recently came to realize there was something off about the way I was logging and tracking my calories consumed and expended so consistently. At first, I wanted to test my FitBit to see if it’s calculations really did work for fat loss, so I logged both workouts and food everyday for two months. Once that experiment was over, I wanted to find an optimal level of nutrition and calories to fuel my activities, so I tracked everything religiously to make sure I was getting enough protein, carbs, fats and micronutrients to perform at my best. But then, even though marathon training was over and I was eating pretty much the same thing every day, I kept tracking. It became a compulsive behavior, like I HAD to do it to feel in control. If there were a few days or meals missing, I would feel anxious… like I wasn’t in control and couldn’t relax or move on unless I opened the MyFitnessPal and FitBit app and logged every last rep and set, every last morsel of food.
Tracking calories in and out became as much a part of my day as brushing my teeth and working out, and felt totally normal because I’m in the fitness industry and should be aware of calorie consumption and expenditure, right? It’s not like I’m restricting food or not eating something because I’ll be in the you-ate-too-much “red zone” in the FitBit app for the day; I just felt the need to track it. To control it. It felt totally normal to me.
But then I read this passage from BODYpeace, a book I’m reviewing for authors Kasey Arena and Heather Waxman as part of a FitFluential campaign, and I realized what I was doing was not only not normal, but also could lead to something more severe:
In order to feel in control of something, I started to slowly
eliminate foods from my “approved” list in my head, not to
lose weight, but keep myself from feeling “sick.”These rules then boiled down to my diet consisting of
mainly nothing. I wanted control. Without even realizing it,
I was spiraling down this path of rules and regulations I was
putting on myself without recognizing my rapid weight loss
happening at the same time.And when I did eat, I liked control. I liked controlling that
fact that I PICKED when I ate. Every four hours, like clockwork,
I would “allow myself” to eat another meal. And guess what,
I got an adrenaline rush whenever that clock would hit four
hours — because I knew I was “allowed” to eat, and it gave
me a great feeling.Despite always wanting to be in control, I actually started
to lose control of who I was at the same time because I was
so numb to all the calorie counting and restrictions. I felt sad,
depressed, and alone. No one knew how to help me – my
parents, my friends, and even me. I was at a loss.– Kasey Arena
Kasey goes on to explain how she suffers from anxiety, and tracking calories was one way to feel a sense of control over other situations in her life were that were out of her control. I can totally relate to this, and realized what I was doing was in fact a disordered eating behaviour.
A symptom of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (ED-NOS) is a constant awareness, bordering on obsession with food, calorie counting, exercise, and weight. According to the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC), if the way you eat and think about food interferes with your life and keeps you from enjoying life and moving forward, then that is disordered eating.
As someone who champions positive body image and sustainable fitness programs, how did I end up in this situation? You would think I would know better.
According to this excellent article Counting calories: women’s greatest threat? by Vanessa Garcia on stuff.co.nz, it could be that disordered eating behaviour is becoming more the norm than not.
In a 2008 survey by SELF magazine and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 75 per cent of women reported disordered eating patterns, 37 per cent regularly skipped meals to lose weight, and 26 per cent cut out entire food groups.
The report concluded that “eating habits that women think are normal — such as banishing carbohydrates, skipping meals and in some cases extreme dieting — may actually be symptoms of disordered eating.”
What was once a neat fitness device to track my activity slowly turned into an enabler for a compulsive and harmful disorder that I had no idea I would ever have to face. As Arwa Mahdawl says in her article The unhealthy side of wearable fitness devices for theguardian.com, “Apps that facilitate calorie-counting and food-logging are an anorexic’s best friend and worst enemy. With society increasingly embracing a sort of ‘techorexia’ that rewrites compulsive behaviour as healthy, it is becoming easier for people with serious eating disorders to pretend there’s nothing wrong.”
***
It’s been nine days since I’ve logged a single meal or tracked a workout. At first, I had to stop myself from reaching for my phone after a meal to tally up what I ate. Since I’m not training for anything right now, there is no reason to track my workouts, so I’ve been leaving the Garmin at home. And you know what? It feels great. And very freeing.
Yes I still have anxiety and yes I will seek help. It’s clear I can’t deal with it on my own, and was starting to turn to other more harmful behaviours as a means of coping with it.
According to the report Eating Disorders Among Girls and Women in Canada prepared by the parliamentary standing committee on the status of women, somewhere between 600,000 and 990,000 Canadians suffer from eating disorders. Approximately 80 percent of those individuals diagnosed with eating disorders are girls or women, which isn’t surprising.
If you feel you use your tracking apps and fitness tech in this same way, I encourage you to ditch the devices with me and talk to someone who can help.
For resources in the US – http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
For resources in Canada – http://www.nedic.ca/
Thank you Kasey and Heather for your support with this XO
December 17, 2014 @ 6:33 am
This is all so interesting and I agree using a tracking device to that degree has red flags all over it. I was wearing two until shortly after the NYCM about 6 weeks ago. It was just habitual for me to see the steps, stairs, etc. add up. Then I realized I’m going to get my steps in whether or not a tracker is measuring them. Working out is the habit I want to keep for a lifetime. Not necessarily measuring every step. That said, I think they’re great for those starting out or needing motivation. But as you pointed out, there can be a dark side.
December 17, 2014 @ 9:12 am
interesting, I never looked at it this day- I use my Fitbit just to motivate myself to move- I don’t use the calorie tracking device. Good luck with your journey!
December 17, 2014 @ 9:53 am
Thank you! 🙂
December 17, 2014 @ 9:19 am
Thanks for sharing your story, Bri 🙂 I asked Santa for a fit bit for Christmas, so will be definitely thinking about what you wrote!
Kendra
December 17, 2014 @ 9:52 am
I think for most people it’s fine, but if you have had OCD tendancies or anxiety/body issues before it’s good to be mindful of it 🙂
December 17, 2014 @ 9:53 am
So amazing of you to realize this and write this – I think it’ll hit home with lots of people!!
December 17, 2014 @ 9:54 am
If it helps someone then it’s worth just putting it all out there! 🙂
December 17, 2014 @ 11:59 am
Great post, I can see how one can get a little obsessive with tracking calories etc. I did a bikini competition a few years ago, and one of the reasons I haven’t done another is because I felt like a lunatic tracking every little thing.
December 17, 2014 @ 12:02 pm
I could see that happening, and is one if the reasons I could never do one!
December 17, 2014 @ 12:56 pm
Hi Bri! I was drawn into this headline and wanted to read your experience. It’s SO good you caught it and were able to spot your behavior, that shows that you really do have your head on straight and want to be well. I used an UPband for a while, but it fell off at the gym. While I loved logging my fitness, I too was becoming a little too into it, so I don’t miss it at all. Now, I log nothing and don’t track my food either. I hope this post helps others that may deal with what you went through. Thanks for sharing!
December 17, 2014 @ 1:03 pm
Thank you Ashley! Good for you for not logging anything. And I hope it helps too!
December 18, 2014 @ 7:26 am
This is a great article! I gave up the scale last year for many of the same reasons.
Weekly Reads Wednesday 12.24.14 - Fitting It All In
December 24, 2014 @ 2:01 am
[…] Why I’m Breaking Up With My Fitbit <—very relatable, I think. One of the reasons I haven’t ventured into the fitbit area is for fear of this, but I am still considering it to encourage me on the days I get literally less than 1,000 steps. […]
Sunday Link Love #21 | Allison Bryant
December 28, 2014 @ 6:38 am
[…] Disorders Why I’m breaking up with my FitBit (for now, anyway) by Bri at Run. Lift. […]
{Friday Favourites} Best health and fitness reads this week - Run. Lift. Yoga.
November 30, 2015 @ 4:48 am
[…] Apps and Health Tracking – Chatelaine Magazine It’s not just our tendancy to become obsessive over numbers and stats that’s the […]
The weirdest search terms that have led people to my blog
December 27, 2016 @ 9:13 am
[…] your calories and if it’s accurate or not. That probably has something to do with this post, this post and this post (a new FitBit Charge HR 2 review will be coming […]